I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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