I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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