So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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