I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
