It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
