shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
