I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
