she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
