Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
