my sisters under your porch take her home
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
