Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
