She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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