I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
