you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
