there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
soo... how was my night?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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