i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
