seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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