So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
