Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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