Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
