I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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