I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
