I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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