And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
