your room smells of hookers.
And success
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
