Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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