Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
my shit smells like andre
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
