I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
