I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
