I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
