i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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