Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
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