The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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