I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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