you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
