im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
