is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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