Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
