I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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