Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
