i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
