his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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