nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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