Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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