You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
