i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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