we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
two words: eviction party
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
