I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
