Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
