Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
