it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
