I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
