Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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