she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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