and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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