he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
