well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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