He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Someone signed my nipple.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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