he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
